Anya
patted the woman-in-need-of-vengeance’s hand and made a soothing
noise. Said woman gave a humongous sigh and continued on her rant.
“I
mean, he has to know I know, but there he sits, passed out in front
of the television like the world didn’t just end.” She
gestured to doorway of the den and clenched her fist. Anya tried
to look interested. “He comes home smelling like her, reeking
of her, and comes to our bed?”
“No,
he didn’t…” The vengeance demon managed to look
properly outraged, swirling her cup of tea. “Don’t you
just wish something awful would happen to him?”
The
woman, name already forgotten, took a deep shuddering breath and
started crying into her teacup again. “I don’t know…
I just wish… Remember when we were kids, that silly book about
goblins?”
Anya
got a sinking feeling in her stomach and muttered, “Yes, but
really there are so many other ways to get even, like—“
But
the woman didn’t hear her, pushing up from the table with
a wounded sigh. “That bastard deserves it. I wish the Goblin
King would come and take him away, right now!”
With
a dramatic swirl of paisley bathrobe, the wounded wife stomped off
to have a good cry in the bathroom. Anya stared at her for a moment
in shock before saying, “Oh, penis.”
She
jumped up and sprinted into the den where the sleeping man-in-need-of-punishment
was snoring away in front of static. She got there just in time
to see a wind blow open the balcony doors and a gothic figure swathed
in ruffles and leather float through. He grimaced when he saw the
decidedly unappealing man on the couch, drooling into his Cheetos,
and groaned when he saw Anya skid to a stop between them.
“Jareth.”
“Anyanka.
What a…surprise.” The Goblin King smoothed down his
wild blond hair and took a deep breath. “It’s been too
long.”
Anya
narrowed her eyes. “Quite. Now if you don’t mind, please
step away from my victim.”
“Your
victim? He was banished to my kingdom, so that makes him my victim,
thank you very much.” Jareth stalked toward the frustrated
demon.
Anya
took one look at him and flung out her hands protectively in front
of the sleeping adulterer. “I don’t think so, buster,
he’s on my books now. Do you have any idea the amount of paperwork
it would take to sort this out?” she hissed, voice going up
several octaves.
“Yes,
I’m well aware. But the wish was uttered and the proper jurisdiction
is the Labyrinth.” Despite trying to keep his calm, the Fey
Lord was obviously irritated. He punctuated his words with thrusts
of black clad fists. “He is mine, Anyanka, and that’s
final.”
Anya
crossed her arms, taking a step back. A thought suddenly occurred
to her and she sarcastically said, “Oh, really. And he’s
so cute and cuddly, just the type of infant you like.”
Arching
an eyebrow, Jareth regarded the prize. “So he’s not
the tender morsel I usually receive, but he’ll do. I need
a few new RedCaps and he’s about the right size.” Fingers
drumming on his arms, he tilted his head. “What did you have
in mind?”
Anya
smiled winningly and laid a soothing hand on his shoulder. “Well,
I just have to administer the wish for it to count with D’Hoffryn.
Let’s say I dump him in the Bogue of Eternal Stench and leave
him. That way, you get your future goblin and I get to have my fun.
Everyone wins.”
Jareth
considered it for a moment, mismatched eyes regarding at the slouched
lout. “I think, my dear, that maybe you have the right idea.”
He relaxed fractionally and grinned, showing entirely too many teeth.
“Why don’t we have a drink on it, back at my castle?
How long has it been, four hundred years?”
Anya
pretended to consider it for a moment, surreptitiously eyeing his
leather clad crotch. “Well, Jareth, I did enjoy my last stay
immensely. Perhaps it has been too long.” She licked her lips.
“Just show me the way and we’ll deposit unfaithful-man
here and be off for that glass of wine. I hear the vintage from
the Summerlands is particularly delightful this year.”
Jareth
eyed her up and down with a wink. “As always, Anyanka, as
always.”
~Fin~
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