The
strangest things happen on my way for pot roast at my mother’s.
Somehow all the cosmic weirdness tunnels down to the New Jersey
Turnpike to the Burg and follows me around. Sometimes it blows up
cars, who am I kidding- it always blows up cars, but other times
it’s not quite so…dramatic.
For
instance, on the way to my mother’s for pot roast I stopped
to check on Dougie and the Mooner. Just to make sure they’re
not doing anything too illegal of course. They haven’t been,
not since that episode with the demented mob wife and the heart
in the cooler anyway. They’ve been good, as good as they are,
doing their thing in their little Spock outfits with all the other
geeks in Kirk outfits. It’s cute really.
It
was getting late, and mom would be standing at the doorway with
Grandma Mazur in about thirty seconds wondering if I’d gotten
myself abducted or blown up in the hour since she last talked to
me. I hurried up the front steps and walked through the open front
door. I could hear the t.v. going and the Mooner’s giggle.
They were in the back, laughing and chattering, doing something
around a card table. The Mooner saw me and waved me in.
“Steph!
You’ve gotta come play a hand.”
“Hand
of what?” I asked, edging around the doorway.
“Poker.
Clem here’s a whiz at five card stud.” Dougie was slouched
in the old lazy-boy, Diet Dr. Pepper dangling from his hand. He
pushed a pile of potato chips to the center of the table, “I
call.”
I looked
across the table and “Holy Moly!” I blinked.
The
creature across the table blinked back and extended a paw. “Heya.
I’m Clem. Nice to meetcha.” Great loose folds of skin
hung from every exposed part of his body, including his ears. I
tried to remember what my mom said about starting, but his skin
was so pale and his nails were so…sharp. He took my hand gently
and gave it a good shake. I jumped but he didn’t seem to notice,
fiddling with the cards in his paw before smiling up at me.
He
waved a bag of Cheese Doodles in my face. “Want some? We’ve
got lots.” He laid his cards on the table. “Full house.
Pay up.”
Dougie
groaned as he, it, whatever scraped the pile of barbeque chips across
the table.
“Um,
hi Clem. I’m Stephanie.”
He
beamed, showing entirely too many sharp teeth. “Oh, I’ve
heard all about you, you know. A superhero around here.”
I looked
at Dougie and the Mooner and they smiled sheepishly. I rolled my
eyes.
“I’m
a bounty hunter. Sometimes I get to catch the bad guy.”
The
Clem nodded like he understood. “I get that. Back home I sorta
helped out with the same thing.” He drooped, the skin folds
flopping onto the table. He seemed so sad just then, poking though
the chips to find the perfect one.
“Where’s
home?” I asked, trying to be polite, wondering if I’d
finally found an alien to take home to Grandma Mazur. Maybe he’d
do us all a favor and abduct her.
He
brightened a bit. “Oh, Sunnydale, California.”
The
Mooner blinked, wiping chip bits on his shirt. “Dude, that’s
the place that blew up.”
Clem
nodded. “Yeah, I got out just in time. Had to leave all my
kittens though.”
Er,
kittens? So this guy didn’t act like a killer space alien.
Grandma would be so disappointed. “So what brought you here,”
I asked, almost afraid of the answer.
“Atlantic
City. I’ve always wanted to gamble there. Thought it was as
good a time as any.” He waved a paw at Dougie. “We met
at the black jack table. He invited me down for the weekend.”
Dougie
and the Mooner nodded in unison. Dougie dealt another hand and Clem
started the ante. I looked at my watch.
“Sorry
guys, I have to run.”
“Aww,
Steph, come back sometime. We never get to hang out anymore.”
The Mooner bopped his head back and forth. “Dude, bring your
Grandma. I bet she plays a mean hand of poker.”
I backed
out the room slowly, thinking of all the possible disasters that
could follow me back from my mother’s pot roast if I brought
my grandmother to play poker with Dougie, the Mooner, and the floppy
space alien from Southern California.
~Fin~
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